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I wish I could take credit for some of these zingers, but I researched and read a zillion “homeless” and “police officer” jokes to find ones that worked and then adapted and tightened them to fit.
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Cuffed together, Val and Audri were being led down the street by officer Onjie. Annoyed, Val said, “Gross. The cops calling people homeless just so they can arrest them.” Trying to lighten the mood, Audri said, “You know, the other day I popped a tire that I saw a homeless guy living in. Now he lives in a flat.” Amused, Val said, “Heh. I try not to give them money because they’ll spend it on drugs, and I’d rather that i spent it on drugs.” Officer Onjie said, “None of this is funny!” Val continued, “And this homeless guy I met once never brings bread for the pigeons… because he prefers to eat them gluten free.” Smiling and looking up at officer Onjie, Audri said, “Officer Onjie seems kind of constipated. Maybe someone stole his toilet and he can’t trace it because he has nothing to go on.” Val said, “Hee hee. Do you think officer Onjie suspects the duvet? That maybe it’s covering something up?” Audri said, “or maybe it was the cows. Sounds like he needs to have a steak-out.” They then both burst into laughter. Recovering from laughing, Val said, “Ah, thank you officer Onjie. I haven’t laughed this hard in ages.” Arms wide, officer Onjie said, “Surely you’d like to exercise your right to remain silent.” Audri confessed, “Not my strong suit.”
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Sounds like these two are a riot.… wait, I didn’t mean that literally.
they are into ca-hoots.
Afraid it’s just an afray. Maybe just a ruckus.
Audri should look into On-And-On Anon.
These must have been written around midnight, the graveyard shift… because they are killing me.
Officer Onjie = Officer Krupke? (West Side Story 1961 movie)
I want to see the two of them run up behind him from both sides, wrap the “Binders” around his legs (transferring them to him in the process) and escape!
I can hope, can’t I..?
Taunting the cops is an ancient, almost revered practice, and never seems to go out of fashion.
But it doesn’t help their disposition or that of any of the other officers they’re going to run into. Wait until they get charged…. for the cost of hauling off their escape pod. Who’ll be laughing THEN?
I’ve never understood the mindset of people whose response to police is “I think I should really piss this guy off.” And I know people like this. Of course, I don’t live in a galactic empire where guns have been outlawed.