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Hello, sir, I’m happy to help you in any way I can. Which isn’t many ways.
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In the militant looking lobby of the police station, the officer at the front mecha-desk said, “Yes, we do have a police report on your friends Val and Audri.” Lasper said, “Good, a lead. What happened?” The officer said, “I’m afraid we’re not allowed to share that information.” Lasper asked, “Were they arrested? Brought in? What exactly does a ‘report’ signify here?” The officer said, “I’m not at liberty to say.” Trying to piece it together, Lasper said out loud, “So you’re not holding them? Surely there would be transparency if we wanted to bail them out or something.” The officer said, “I’m not at liberty to say that either.” Full comprehension setting in, Lasper said, “Which means you also can’t tell me if you already let them go.” The officer said, “In the theoretical case that we did hold them, I’m theoretically not at liberty to say that either.” Miffed, Lasper said, “Fine. Well, you’ve been very ‘helpful.’ Do you mind if I use your bathroom before we go?” The officer said, “See? There’s a question I’m allowed to answer. Yes, you’re welcome to use it.” Looking at him, Lasper said, “Thank you. And where is it?” The officer said, “I’m not at liberty to say.”
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“How do you like my desk? It’s a tank!”
“Yes, it certainly looks well-built…”
“No, I mean it’s a real tank! I love military surplus!”
All assistance short of actual help.
This is like Monty Python’s Corporate Circus.
Am I the only one who kinda wants to hit that receptionist right now?