9/13/18 – Directions to Jansler’s




Ahhh, cubicles. When traveling, I often work in libraries (sometimes even in the offices of friends), and in both places more often than not I work in a cubicle. I will never fully escape. 🙂


  1. War Pig

    Here it is, guys:

    I had just finished a mission in East Europe and was headed home. By bad luck and mismanagement, I had not eaten in over 18 hours. Heck, I still had on my cammies and face paint. I was put in the back of a C-5 headed home with palatalized goods. I barely made the flight and had no time to eat at Rhein-Main air base in (then) West Germany, near Frankfurt. Besides, their mess hall was closed at that time of the night. I had to make it back to Ft Meade to debrief what I had found out so it could be presented to the Army Chief of Staff in his morning brief. It could not be transmitted, even in code.

    I figured that there would be a flight lunch waiting for me on the plane. There usually are a couple spares for just this reason. After we reached altitude I went up to the flight deck and asked about it. The flight crew were all eating but they said; “We weren’t told you were coming” which is fly-guy speak for “Pound sand, soldier, we got ours” especially since I saw five boxes empty and four flight crew on this flight. Pricks.

    I sat in the back and tried to sleep on the palatalized goods, but my growling stomach woke me after a couple of hours. So in full view of the loadmaster I took out my knife and began to sharpen it with the built in sharpener in the sheath. I carried an SOG Bowie back then (look it up on Google). I made some comments about having long pig (human flesh) for dinner (since Silence of the Lambs had yet to be filmed I could not use the fava beans remark).

    The loadmaster went up to the flight deck and conferred with the pilot (a major) and they got together all the condiment packets left over from their flight meals and gave them to me. Apparently I looked somewhat – feral. The copilot gave up half a thermos of coffee as well. The loadmaster then went back up to the flight deck and closed and locked the door.

    When we landed at Bangor, Maine for refueling, it was very early in the morning and nothing was open. I was starving. There were vending machines in a tin shelter on the side of the refueling area for transient aircrew. Unfortunately, I had carried no US money on that mission and the currency I had would not work in US machines. Plus, the machines were behind a chain link curtain or I’d have cut one open with the Bowie.

    The flight crew, seeing my desperation, decided to take up a collection rather than have me on the flight in that state of mind. By now it had been close to 24 hours with nothing except a few ketchup packets and half a thermos of black coffee. I’d had one c-ration meal in the previous 30 hours before that (we had to travel light). I was climbing the tin shelter to get on the roof where the tin was thinner to cut it open with the Bowie, disregarding the consequences, when the loadmaster handed me all the change they’d had in their pockets. I thanked him and quickly looked at the machines, daring one of them to cheat me and not vend while keeping the money.

    I looked for the maximum amount of calories and bulk I could get with the money I had. I chose two Moon Pies and a Dr Pepper. This was when the Moon Pies had the wax paper wrappers. I ran to the now waiting C-5 and boarded. I gobbled them down in record time. I took the first Moon Pie in three bites. I drank half the soda then ate the second Moon Pie and drank the rest of the soda. A giant belch later I was more human than feral beast and I went to throw away the wrappers. I only found one Moon Pie wrapper and the soda can. I have no idea what happened to the other wrapper so I must have eaten it. If I did, it was completely digested as I “passed” nothing unusual.

    The aircrew waited until I had deplaned at Langley to open the flight deck door.

  2. Eiríkr Útlendi

    On a completely separate note, (“…and now for something completely different…”), I’m looking at the clothes the characters are wearing, and I’m getting an almost Star Wars vibe from the one fellow. Makes me wonder — in this segment, is he some kind of Obi Hwan?

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